Hi friends,
Today marks the ten year anniversary of my dad dying.
It feels like so much longer and so much shorter all at the same time. I escaped to the mountains for the weekend so I could unplug, write, soak in the hot springs, and honor my sweet daddio in nature, exactly the way he would have done if he was still here today.
I've felt a lot of different emotions throughout the week leading up to today, and I constantly found myself overanalyzing or judging the way I felt rather than just letting the feelings come and go as they needed.
How often do we intercept feelings that are so deserving of being felt because we feel like we "should" be feeling something different? How long do we delay our healing because we use the rest of the world, social media, or even complete strangers as the measuring stick for how we "should" or "shouldn't" heal?
This morning, I woke up happy. Peaceful. Alive.
I caught myself trying to force a feeling that simply wasn't coming. "Shouldn't I feel sad?"
But, as the morning has rolled on, as I soaked in the hot springs and watched the sun rise, as I took a quiet morning walk down a snowy path and listened to the birds chirp and sing, I realized over and over again that I am here, I am feeling and doing and living exactly as I was meant to.
I am here. If you're reading this, you're here too.
And right here is exactly were we are meant to be.
And as I drive home with my dad's face smiling back at me on the visor of my car, I will remind myself to keep my eyes forward, to keep moving forward.
After all, some of our best days haven't even happened yet.
Sending you all a great big mountain air exhale, and hoping that wherever you find yourself this morning, you will let yourself be all there.
Thank you to every single one of you who has loved me, held me together, and been brave enough to sit in the silence with me as I navigated this grief.
I couldn't do it without you.
xoxo
